Congratulations on starting to make things right. To reconcile and to forgive are sometimes the hardest things anyone can do. It takes strength.
Re: the dust line - I was exposed to too much body horror at too young an age, so every now and then (usually when more depressed), I take to viewing all people as absolutely stomach churning, including myself. It’s an inspiring thought artistically but one that’s tough to deal with - walking around with the knowledge that every time I breathe in, I’m inhaling skin cells and bacteria and already used breath. I LOOOOVE people… but I struggle sometimes to accept our weirder, biological sides. It’s for good reason I’ve avoided studying science in too much depth.